Part 1   Part 31

I’m about 9-months in to hormone treatment now, (8 for testosterone blockers,). From my research I think that I should wait until 2-years have passed before considering undergoing any surgeries, because that seems to be the expected duration for breast development once starting hormones. It may be because of my age, but my breasts didn’t start to develop until about 5-months in to oestrogen treatment, and while development remains slow, they are still very sensitive and have periods of growth when they can get a little painful. A pleasing shape has started to develop in both, (to the point that I’m having to wear a bra each day now, even at work*) with my right breast appearing to be better developed than my left.

Although my doctor at Yanhee Hospital advises that I can have breast enhancement surgery any time I want now, because an implant would sit under any breast tissue which might continue to develop, I think this is poorly considered. If I was to have implants now and my breasts do develop significantly afterwards, it’s likely that they would continue to develop at different rates of growth from each other, and the amount they would develop (although not expected to be very much) is an unknown. These two factors could result in mismatched breasts which are way larger than I want. No matter how keen I am to have a splendid and ample rack, it’s far, far more sensible to exercise patience and wait until 2 years have passed from the time they started to develop, which for me will be February 2019. It seems forever away, but it’ll be worth the wait. After a 2-year growth period it’s much more likely that a surgeon could give me breasts of my desired size which are equal in shape and size to each other, without the results changing drastically from future growth.

The 2-year wait only really applies to breast growth. Body fat redistribution occurs over a much longer time scale, so I could take steps to feminize that surgically now I suppose, but I’m much more in the camp of changing the body through healthy diet and exercise where possible, rather than through lipo-sculpting and tummy tucks. While I’d love a feminine hourglass figure, many genetic women would too and I don’t see the point in surgery for surgery’s sake. It’s not something which would define me as a woman and I’m fairly sure that like many genetic women, I’ll never achieve the figure I want, because I don’t care enough about having one to put in the effort required through diet and exercise. As long as that’s the case I’ll avoid surgery and know that if I ever care enough to make the effort, change can be affected without a knife.

Facial feminization is something I am considering, but only really reshaping of my chin and possibly also my brow line. This is invasive stuff, so it will be after consultations and much debate that I decide whether to proceed or not.

At the moment, breast enhancement seems to be the only procedure that I’m quite sure I will get. My research into what can be done to feminize me, what each option would involve, how much it would cost and the expectations of how it could change my appearance, continues without any urgency. I’m weighing up how big a role my vanity plays in my desire for surgeries versus how feminization would improve my self-image and the manifestation of my identity. I remind myself, “there’s no rush.”

*FOOTNOTE: Yes, my femininity has increased in the work place too, and without comment from my bosses so far. They must have noticed the makeup I wear most days (albeit a minimal coverage of BB cream and powder with a tiny hint of eyeliner) and the bra which without enhancing is still noticeable through work shirts. Although there has been no direct comment, they have noticeably excluded me from high profile events that I would normally represent the company at, such as the American Embassy’s Independence Day celebration (which I attended last year and was invited to this year) as well as elected not to ask me to emcee the Annual Loy Krathong celebration this year, which the CEO had previously said I could never excuse myself from. Whether this is coincidence I can’t be sure, but it makes me a little concerned that come employment contract negotiation time in October, they may decide not to continue my employment. The social element of my work in Marketing is something I really enjoy and am very good at. If they don’t think they can use me for this any longer, will the rest of my duties be sufficient to continue my employment? I guess I’ll find out when the time comes, unless we have a conversation before that.