I’m still transitioning and there remains new ground to be broken for me on my journey, but my daily being of the woman I’m becoming now feels pretty gloriously routine! Of course new challenges do arise which will test my confidence, (not least of which is my upcoming trip to the UK,) but my general day to day life here in Bangkok is running along without much of a hitch. Where I previously cowered in the shadows, mortified at my own imaginings of the opinions of the public, I now walk with great pride in myself and the satisfaction that I derive from finally living my life on my terms is more and more slipping into my subconscious as it becomes normality.
I believe this sense of normality is evidenced in part by my far less frequent blog posts. I feel more inclined and inspired to write when I’ve some turmoil or metaphysical pondering going on, and I’m feeling very emotionally settled now, finding that I’m questioning myself less and less.
It’s good timing actually, because my counselor has recently gone to Europe on extended leave, and for the next 3-months I will be without her face-to-face input. She’s offered Skype sessions if I need, and I may well take her up on that at some point, although I feel I’m at a stage where I can take a little break.
The focus of my thoughts recently has been my relationship, which has been fairly consuming even though it’s long distance, and for the past 2+ months has been conducted exclusively over Skype and email. I never appreciated how difficult a long distance relationship would be. The stress of smooth communication from 2 different time zones (even though only 6-hours difference) easily causes tension and diffusing that without being physically present to each other is difficult. Still, it’s a valuable lesson in any relationship to learn how each other conducts themselves in disagreements, and where the lines in the sand lie that dictate how and when compromise should be reached as well as what exactly is important to each other. Thankfully he’ll be back in Bangkok with me on Monday, staying until I go to the UK next month so we can travel back together. This will be the longest we’ve spent together as once we touch down in the UK we’re both heading over to my parents’ house (first time he’ll meet them) and then I’ll stay at his place and meet my future mother-in-law, who I’ve already learned is quite formidable.
Despite “tensions” we’re still very much in love with each other and desperate to be together. The next month of family visits will be a little scary for each of us, but I’m also very excited about it.