WARNING contains very immature adult themes and language.
It’s always been a sport with me and my friends, which later extended to previously unapproving family, to reinvent words to songs, usually during trips as we had them playing in the car. The general rules were that it had to sound similar to the original where possible, had to maintain rhyme and must incorporate very immature and rude humour. Christmas was always a good opportunity for this, and with the season now upon us, I’m once again listening to Christmas songs in the car and being reminded of silliness of the years past. Here are a few of my old favs; the ones where I can no longer listen to the originals without smiling at the thought of the reinvented lyrics.
Mistletoe and Wine
Vodka, beer and wine,
Children throwing up all the time,
With pets round the fire and crap on the floor
Time to despair and drink gallons more.
The Christmas Song
And so I’m offering this simple phrase
Positions 1 to 92
Although you’ve had sex many times, many ways
Merry Christmas to you.
12 Days of Christmas
5 sore rings,
4 boring turds,
3 French tarts,
2 turtle heads
Alan Partridge in a pear tree.
The Little Bummer Boy
A new born King to see,
Let’s rub him on the bum.
I have no gift to bring
so I rubbed him on the bum.
Then he smiled at me
When I rubbed him on the bum
I think I made him cum.
And that old favorite Japanese Christmas song:
As long as you love Miso, let it snow let it snow, let it snow.
There must be more, but that’s enough of demonstration of my stupid sense of humour for now.