If I was petite and able to pass as a woman, would that make me more likely to transition, or less?

I’ve toyed with the thought of having surgeries and taking hormones to feminize myself, but considering the raw materials I’m working with, I accept that I cannot be entirely convincing.

After years of internal debate as to my gender, if I ever was to pursue transition through hormones and/or surgeries I’m now quite sure I wouldn’t undergo the full sexual reassignment surgery (SRS), but that could be due to my age. If I’d been braver in my youth to explore my true feelings I may well have decided something different years ago but now in my early forties, I’ve grown to quite like what I have between my legs, so I guess at most I’d aspire to be a ladyboy rather than a woman.

The purpose of transition is often documented as being to satisfy aesthetically what the transgendered person feels emotionally so if I could do that simply by dressing, would I feel the need to transition?

I’m reminded of the old South Park episode where Mr. Garrison believes himself to be pregnant after having SRS, because (then) she did not get her period. The idea that any amount of surgery and hormones can never change a man in to a woman, but only give the outward (and very minimal inward) appearance of one rings true to me. It’s a cosmetic improvement no different than any other, and while it can make you happier to marry your self image with your physical one, (as do many less extreme plastic surgeries) it’s unlikely to change your emotional outlook. Acceptance of the body you’re carrying around with you may be a much healthier approach.

I’m slowly making my peace that I am transgender, but that I don’t need surgery or hormones to prove it. Moreover, I don’t need to prove it to anyone; not even myself anymore. I can have a lazy few days, not put makeup on, grow a beard, bum round in sweat pants and a t-shirt, looking to all who see me like a rugged bloke, and physically I am, but emotionally I remain a woman in my mind and soul however I might appear outwardly.

There’s nothing I enjoy more than getting dolled up, and looking as feminine as I possibly can, and at those times I really wish I had a naturally soft voice, real breasts, and all the curves of femininity, but in my moments of slobbishness these attributes would look ridiculous on a bearded bruiser. While we still live in a society that judges people on their appearance, and while I continue to carry round a broad 6’2” frame with large feet, I’ll stay an advocate of tits for the weekend.

Part 2